Not a post, just a funny story that just so happens to be true

This was originally posted on my Xanga site a few years ago.  Most of the people in this story are foreigners.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

·         Friday Night Lights

Friday night was interesting.  Started out rather innocently enough, but ended up with a slew of unexpected events.

11:03pm – Normal Beginings. 

Met up with Blossom and Manu in Hongdae.  We decided to hit Yu Gaek Ju because Tae Ho, the manager is a good guy and occasionally gives us service.  After debating for a few moments  what to  eat, we settle into  our booth(big enough for 6) and begin discussing our lives.    

12:11am – A slight crack

After a solid hour of consuming sausage, cajun chicken salad, soup, and a lot of cheap Korean beer, my stomach is begining to tell me that perhaps that was NOT the greatest combination of food and liquor.  However, the night is young so we all continue to inhale at a good clip. Things seem to be going well until Blossom receives a phone call from CRon 2.  At first, I don’t want another dude to show up and upset the delicate balance of power at our table (Guys: 1 Girls :2)  however in my slightly lack of sober state, I agree.  So after it’s been decided that CRon 2 will be joining us, I get the feeling that we’ve just altered our paths for the night. 

12:34am  tremors

CRon 2 arrives and from the start there are a few things readily apparent:  he’s not sober, he’s jovial, and he’s in the mood to talk!  The last two really helped ease the fact that he arrived with absolutely no female companions.  CRon 2 is happy enough and begins talking about various different subjects which include, but are not limited to: one of his friends crashing his m3(forget exactly what kind of car it was..but it’s expensive..and foreign) at a race course, surfing, him buying a Hyundai..Sonata??  Things are pleasant enough until Blossom receives yet another phone call, this time from a guy she met through…Xanga(perhaps you’ve heard of the site).  Apparently he’s an adoptee from the East Coast and he wants to meet Blossom.  That seemed normal enough given my current state, however somehow I managed to catch the fact that he was with another person..so I naturally ask Blossom if the other person was a white guy..she forgot to ask..so she’s forced to call him back and utter the lines “Uh..i was just wondering..is the other guy you’re with…white??”  Armed with the her new found knowledge she gives me the “apparently his friend is not white, most likely Korean” signal which looks a lot like someone smiling and nodding at the same time. 

12:52am full on
Nomar Garciaparra dressed in a white wife-beater(is there another kind?) and a Boston Red Sox cap and Khakis arrives with his VERY VERY VERY drunk friend.  Nobody is really sure exactly how drunk his friend is, but it becomes abundantly clearly a short time later.  Here’s what the initial exchange looked like:

NG: Hi, how are you
US:  Hey..how’s it going
Drunk Friend:  Hi, what’s your name?

12:58  Repetition is the key to success
Everyone is getting their drink on pretty heavily at this point.  Nomar launches into a very intense conversation about his adoption experience.  At one point in the conversation I heard him utter the words “If it wasn’t for my best friend I’d be dead” I thought that was a bit intense for only knowing the guy for about 6 minutes ..give or take a few.  His extremely drunk friend isn’t quite faring as well..this is what the next exchange went like:

Me:  So..what do you do in Korea
Drunk Friend:  Hi, what’s your name?
Me:  I’m Bob

Drunk Friend speaking to Blossom:  Hi, what’s your name? 

1:13  Repetition is STILL the key to success
Everyone is doing pretty well at this point, however Nomar’s friend isn’t exactly improving as shown by this next exchange:

Drunk Friend:  Hi, what’s your name?
Me(wearing an ASK shirt):  Bob
Drunk Friend:  Do you go to Yonsei?
Me and Blossom(laughing hysterically): NO!
Drunk Friend to Blossom: Hi, what’s your name?

1:44:  Shitty Bathroom Dialogue
After drinking large quantities of beer, I decided to finally break the seal.  Didn’t seem like a big deal at the time, however when I get to the bathroom, CRon 2 is already there and he’s completely perplexed by the large quantity of water on the floor.  He is really wondering why there is so much water on the floor, so in his inquisitive state, he asks me in English “why is there so much water on the floor” to which I respond..”I have no idea!”  Apparently, my English response was not satisfactory so he attemptsto ask the SAME question in Korean to one of the other patrons.  Given his extremely low level of Korean ability and his inquisitive nature about such an inane topic, I knew this was going to be a disaster.  Here’s what the exchange sounded like:

CRon2:  “물.. 많이… 여기… 왜?”
Korean patron: “뭐???”
CRon2:  “물… 많이… 여기.. 왜?” and then he looks at me and says Bob how do you say that in Korean
Bob:  Well..not sure what the word for FLOOR is, but that’s definitely not the most polite way to say ANYTHING in Korean.

At this point the guy is fucking pissed so he leaves the bathroom and about 10 seconds later he’s got one of his buddies with him.  Apparently his buddy was supposed to be a translator because he asks CRon2 to repeat what he said..unfortunately his buddy had about the same English level..so they had to ask in Korean.  I see what’s happening and just politely apologize to the 2 Korean guys and try to usher CRon2 out of the bathroom as quickly possible.

I proceed to tell him that A.  Asking why there is so much water on the floor is probably not the best conversation topic ANYWHERE, unless you’re on a boat.  B.  You have to be a little more tactful when trying to say something in Korean.  C.  Be careful what you say to drunk people in a bathroom!  

2:05am  Sunday Sunday Sunday Sunday!

Does anyone remember those really bad ads for monster truck rallies?  I do..unfortunately.  The reason I bring this up is I always remember one of their tag lines was “we’ll sell you the WHOLE seat, but you’ll only need the edge!” When I get back to the table, Nomar is still knee deep in his conversation about his adoptee experience, however he’s managed to sit in a way that requires him using HALF of the booth.  To get an idea..think Ben Stiller in Dodgeball..I think someone just threw up in their mouth.  Anyways, Nomar is using half the booth which means Blossom is sitting where I should be sitting..and I’m sitting on the edge of the seat..even though the booth should seat 6 comfortably. I was trying really hard NOT to listen to Nomar’s conversation, but only because I’ve heard similar conversations about 5000 times before.  However, Manu, being relatively new to the adoption circle/world is completely enthralled with it.  It’s almost like she’s listening to the word of God.  She’s so enthralled by it that her eyebrows are furrowed!  Meanwhile, CRon 2 has rejoined the conversation and the 3 of them proceed to have the most animated conversation I’ve seen in a long time..although I think it might have just been Nomar. 

2:19am  going thru the motions
At this point everyone has had their fill of beer and food. so it’s decided that some folx want to head to a club to get their grooves on.  CRon 2, amazingly enough, upon hearing that we’re leaving, proceeds to run over and pay for EVERYTHING .  As he’s heading over to pay for it, I make a feeble attempt to give him some money which resembled a slightly drunk guy trying to give money to a guy who wants to pay for everything.

2:26am  decisions!
Nomar and his buddy really wants to go some sleazy bikini bar, however Manu is insistent that everyone goes dancing.  At this point, I’m just along for the ride..I think ditto for Blossom.  And CRon 2 too.

2:28am  Middle Aged French Guys
On our way to S-Club, which is only a 5 minute walk away we happened to walk by some Middle Aged White Guysthat were jabbering along in a foreign language which I recognized to be French.  In jest, I told Manu, “hey..why don’t you help them out”  She took it and ran with it…unfortunately these guys were not only French, White..and way too old to be in Hongdae..they were DRUNK!  When they heard Manu’s PERFECT Quebecoise accent they just about spilled their seed on the street.  They would NOT let her get away..so we basically had to pry her away from them. 

2:30am Invisible Pockets
As we approached S-Club Nomar and his friend mentioned something about being low on funds?!?!  I’m not sure about the rest of you, but how exactly does one go out without either A.  enough fucking money to have fun for a night or B.  A FUCKING ATM CARD???  At no point did they attempt to make a getaway or ask about getting to an ATM.  However they did manage to go thru some convoluted motions of pretending like they were looking for money in their pockets..which would have been fine..except Nomar was wearing a wife beater..and wife beaters don’t have pockets..AT ALL. 

We reached S-Club and then Nomar and his friend have pretty much resigned themselves to NOT going into the club because of a lack of funds.  However..once again CRon 2 proceeds to whip out his wallet!  He says that he’ll pay for everyone, but there’s only one problem..they don’t accept plastic, so he has to cough up some cash…I was not in the mood to let a guy pay for me to get into a club..so I cough up 20 bucks and throw it in.  Upon realizing that it’s only 15 for guys…and 10 for ladies..I instantly got Dutch on everyone..including the ticket lady and proceeded to ask for my change.  I don’t think I got it back. 

2:41 In da Club
We get in the club and they’re playing a lot of music..which I don’t recognize..which along with quickly getting sober is NOT a recipe for doing ANY kind of dancing.  So I head over to the bar and order a drink and watch events unfold on the dance floor.  Things are fairly normally given the club setting, however CRon 2 hasn’t let up yet..he doesn’t want Nomar and his buddy to NOT have drinks so he proceeds to buy a couple of rounds.  After finishing a few rounds Nomar and his friend suddenly bolt.
 

Now it’s just me..CRon2 and Manu.   It’s so freaking humid in the club that I want to leave after about 20 minutes..but I somehow manage to stick around with  Blossom.  However, I can’t take it anymore so I tell her I want to leave.  We go look for Manu and CRon2 and they’re getting extremely familiar with each other and some Korean guy.   

I’m tired so I’ll continue this at a later date 

Note:  ASKis an organization that stands for Adoptee Solidarity Korea, however in Korean it’s called 국외입양인연대.  The last part of the name in Korean also happens to be the name of a very famous university(연대) in Korea, but the shirt CLEARLY had nothing to do with ANY university. 

#9 Korean toilets

Up until 20 years ago, western or throne style toilets were not very common in Korea.  The most common type of toilet that used to be found in Korea is what many Westerns refer to as a “squatty potty”  or “a hole in the floor.”  For many foreigners the act of squatting over what amounts to be a large hole in the floor can be anywhere from annoying to absolutely uncomfy.

A few years ago there was a very serious campaign to not only beautify Korean toilets, but also bring Korean toilets up to speed…so to speak.  The result is/was an amazing transformation:  Korean public bathrooms are extremely clean and quite modern, except in the late evenings when some dude has just missed the bowl and puked all over the floor, but that’s a different entry. 

One of the drawbacks of the old squatty pottys/Korean plumbing systems was a lack of adequate pipe space to allow for toilet paper to be flushed with the rest of the….well shit.  This resulted in a very unusual practice:  after using toilet in the bathroom, most Koreans will not toss toilet paper into the toilet, instead they will toss it in to the waste bin.   This sometimes results in a waste bin full…of paper…with shit on it. 

To be fair, this is a pretty disgusting practice, esp if it’s at the end of the night and the waste bin hasn’t been emptied.  However, I’d like to point out one very small advantage of this system.

Situation:  Let’s suppose that it’s late…you’ve been drinking and you need to use the bathroom(Dropping a deuce).  I know that’s a stretch, but work with me.  Now, let’s further suppose that much to your horror, you realize that the public roll of toilet paper is out of stock.  Since it’s late and you’re drunk, you have probably waited til the LAST possible moment to use the bathroom…IE “holy shit, i gotta shit now or I’m gonna shit my pants” At this point, you’re probably thinking “wow it really sucks that there is no toilet paper”, but the overwhelming sensation to empty your bowels has superseded any other logical thoughts.  What does this mean?  It means that instead  of walking back outside to find a vending machine to purchase some toilet paper, you’re probably going to make a beeline towards the closest stall in order to prevent any kind of accident.  Thankfully, there is an open stall and you’re able to give yourself..and your bowels peace of mind, only to come to one very horrible realization:  I have no TOILET PAPER!   Strangely enough, many people do not enjoy this sensation.   Now you have two choices, neither which are very appealing:  1.  pull up your pants, leave a shitload of skidmarks and exit the bathroom in hopes that you can find a vending machine to buy some toilet paper.   There are two potential problems with this solution and both come in the form of the vending machine:  the vending machine is no longer accepting bills and/or you do not have the requisite change in your pocket to purchase some much need toilet paper.  This leaves you with one very, disgusting, unfortunate choice:  pray to god that someone was OCD enough to use enough TP to start his own Charmin factory so that you can attempt to use one of the unused portions of someone else’s TP!

If this situation were to occur in any other part of the world, you’d be shit out of luck, but because it’s Korea, you’re able to walk out of that stall with a little less dignity and fewer skidmarks, but a whole lot cleaner ass. 

Foreigners really can’t complain about the toilet situation anymore in Korea.   A lot of public toilets in the Kangnam area now have bidets!

Note:  The above noted ”situation” is based on a true story. 

#8 Korean Men

Dear Abby:  My Korean boyfriend insists that I take a shower before each love-making session, how do I explain to him that I don’t always feel like doing this because it really takes passion out of our love-making–Confused white guy in the HBC

Dear confused in the HBC:  He’s sending you a not-so-subtle hint that you reek and body odor is considered offensive..even in Korea.  Fret not, a large assortment of body washes are readily available in most marts everywhere.  If that’s not convenient enough, you could always buy him one of those surgical masks that protects people from the Yellow dust.  However, there are drawbacks, one of which includes looking like a pedophile on the prowl.

Dear Abby:  My Korean husband insists on doing it doggy-style in the evening, can you please explain why he only wants to do it this way in the evening?–Confused white woman in Hongdae

Dear Confused white woman:  Your husband, being the forward thinking, progressive man that he is, insists on doing it doggy-style in the evening so that both of you are able to enjoy Korean dramas.

Dear Abby:  My Korean boyfriend insists on pulling out everytime we make love.  In addition, I catch him muttering something under his breath about “Sicilians.”  What is he referring to?–Black woman in Hoegi

Dear BWiH:  He’s referring to this scene in True Romance.

Dear Abby:  My Korean boyfriend insists that I do not look “Korean” enough, despite the fact that most foreign guys can’t get enough of me.  Can you explain this phenomenon?–Kyopo in Kangnam

Dear Kyopo in Kangnam:  Korean men have different standards of beauty than foreign men.  I recommend Dr Kim’s Aesthetic clinic in Apgujeong.  He’s a bit pricey, but you won’t regret it when you see your new eyelids, nose, mouth and chin!  Also, make sure you never, EVER weigh more than 50 kilos..regardless of your height.  Lastly, foreign guys find you attractive because you’re Asian, not because you’re beautiful.

Dear Abby:  I find Korean men to be uglier than sin, and most definitely do not feel comfortable around them.  What should I do?–Angry  and Uncomfy Adoptee

Dear Angry and Uncomfy Adoptee:  You have a few choices: A. stop being such a banana and get in touch with your “Asian” side B.  stop complaining and only hang out with foreign males C.  give up and move back to your country of adoption because clearly Koreans didn’t/don’t want you or else they wouldn’t have sold you in the first place!

Dear Abby:  My Korean boyfriend insists on viewing Asian porn and calling me 백말.   In addition, when we have sex it’s always with the lights off, at night, under the covers.    I take this as a sign that he doesn’t find me attractive, do you agree?–BBW in Shinchon

Dear BBW:  Yes

#7 Racism

Seoul, Korea — A group of scientists hailing from the Netherlands and Australia have made a shocking discovery:  racism is alive and well in Korea.  The scientists came to the conclusion after months of tireless research and endless interviews with both locals and foreigners.  One foreigner was quoted as saying “I can’t believe these chinks have such a bad attitude towards honkeys, spics, and niggers!”  Additionally, researchers have come to other incredible discoveries including:  water is wet, the sun is hot(sometimes) and everybody loves Raymond. 

Foreigners have a bad habit of complaining about things with an accusatory tone which makes it seem as though the problems are strictly found in Korea only and NEVER found in their respective countries.  Racism is no exception.  It doesn’t help that most Caucasian foreigners fancy themselves as neo-liberal hippie wannabes that really believe that everyone loves everyone and racism is (surprise surprise) bad! 

In a country that is 99% homogeneous did you really expect Korea to be racism-free©?  Foreigners here act genuinely surprised when Koreans consider the average foreigner here nothing more than an English teacher or Army loser.  I’m not saying that racism is good because we all know racism is bad…very bad, but even in the most liberal of countries, racism still exists, unless you live in Australia or the Netherlands because those two countries don’t have “that problem.”

While a lot of non-asian foreigners love to complain about excessive Korean racism, they do not seem to have a problem with getting paid 40 dollars an hour for simply not looking Asian(English teachers).  In addition, foreign males seem to have no problems with Korean women that are willing to love them long time because they look foreign. 

Note:  Adoptees and Kyopos reserve the right to complain about racism because Koreans don’t view them as being “real” foreigners and thus refuse to hire them on the basis of “not being white” or “not being foreign” enough.  They also do not gain the automatic foreign status until they’ve opened their mouths, but even that doesn’t guarantee equal “foreigner” status. 

Additional note:   Koreans with Caucasian partners are automatically given JWS(Junior White Status) because most Koreans share the same misguided belief held by many foreigners:  language skills are easily transferrable via bodily fluids.  JWS automatically grants a person access to better paying jobs, higher positions and drinking fountains found at the front of stores. 

 

#6 Korean food

Ah…delicious and lovely Korean food, who in their right mind could complain about something so delicious and healthy..oh that’s right…FOREIGNERS!  Sadly enough, a lot of foreigners miss out on a huge part of Korean culture:  Korean food.  Korean food is some of the healthiest and tastiest food on earth, mostly because the use of fresh vegetables and the lack of frying when cooking the food.  Nothing is more ridiculous than someone visting a foreign country and never tasting the local cuisine.  Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with indulging every once in awhile in some home cooking.  That being said, there are foreigners that live here and have no idea what Korean food tastes like.  

As with any other culture there are some foods which Koreans consume that may seem odd to foreigners, but of course the average foreigner doesn’t have the good sense to understand that his/her own country probably has something equally disgusting.  This results in a very ugly display of stubborness and indignation.

I’ve heard plenty of foreigners complain that Korean food is too spicy.  Of course there are some dishes that are spicy, but it’s ridiculous to think that all Korean dishes are too spicy for human consumption.  If something is too spicy..move to England.

As ridiculous as it seems, you still hear foreigners complain about Koreans eating dogs.  Just for the record:  Koreans aren’t throwing the closest beagle they find into a pot of boiling water.  They actually have a special breed specifically for human consumption. 

It should go without saying, but i’ll say it anyways just in case a silly foreigner is reading this or is planning on visiting.  If you don’t like something…don’t eat it, but for the love of bad Kimchi..DON’T COMPLAIN about it or make it seem like you’re being forced to eat an American hot dog.

Note:  the easiest way to get on a Korean’s good side is to feed them something tasty.

#5 Other foreigners

That’s right, some foreigners like to complain about other foreigners.  It usually occurs after the foreigner has lived here for awhile, say about 9 months.  They start acting like they’ve got their shit together and they try to start acting more “Korean” whatever that fuck that is.  They also start making comments about how annoying other foreigners are or they start a stupid blog.  It also has a tendency to come in conjunction when a foreigner begins a relationship with a native. 

Nothing, and by god I mean NOTHING is more ignorant, arrogant and annoying than a foreigner that’s in a relationship with a native.  The foreigner usually has this misguided notion that language skills, historical references and culture can be transmitted via bodily fluids.  The foreigner immediately becomes an expert on all things Korean.

 Try this out sometime:  ask a question about Korea to a foreigner that you know is in a relationship with a native.  First he/she will futitely attempt to answer the question, if they can’t answer the question the next thing they do is say “hold on, let me call my SO”   If they call their SO in your presence, the phone call is immediately started with a phrase in Korean to show off their newly acquired Korean skills and then immediately switches to English.

The combination of their newly acquired language skills thru bodily fluid exchange, Koreans’ overzealous response to a foreigner speaking any Korean and the genuine low level of intelligence found in the average human being makes for an incredibly annoying foreigner that is an expert at Korean pronunciation.  If you’re having a bad day and you need something to brighten your mood.  Observe a foreigner correcting another foreigner on the finer nuances of Korean pronunciation.  I’ve observed the following exchange before:

Foreign Man #1:  We gotta go to Youngsahn

Foreign Man #2:  No dude, you’re pronouncing it all wrong!  It’s YOUNGSAN!

Foreign Man #1:  Fuck it, let me call my girlfriend. 

 Note:  Foreign men married to natives are the MOST guilty of this.  Why bother learning Korean when you’ve got a live-in translator!

#4 Koreans drinking too much

It’s no secret that Koreans love to toss back a bottle of soju every now and again.  As Homer(Simpson) once said “Alcohol - the answer to, and cause of all of life’s problems.  Living in Seoul is stressful…for EVERYONE, especially for the natives.  One of the ways the Koreans deal with life’s problems is amazingly similar to many other cultures in the world including most of the western world:  drinking copious amounts of alcohol. 

The thing that absolutely slays me is the accusatory tone that foreigners use when describing Koreans drinking too much.  It’s as if foreigners have this notion that drinking is NOT an acceptable way to deal with stress.  Because of course, in their countries people have figured out a better way to deal with stress:  prescription drugs!   The next time I hear a foreigner claim Koreans drink too much I’m going to ask them if they’d prefer a bunch of people running around doped up on Zoloft, Prozac or any one of the many prescription drugs that half of the western world is legally hooked on.

I’m not saying drinking is the best way to deal with stress, but I don’t see how it’s any worse than being doped up on some fucking anti-depressant. 

Note:  Many foreigners are known to congregate in Itaewon and complain about Koreans…while drinking copious amounts of alcohol.

#3 Taxis/Taxi Drivers

Seoul has one of the finest public transportation systems in the world.  An extensive subway and bus system, which compared to French standards are pretty damn clean, except for the times that people puke on the subway.   Seoul also has over 70,000 taxis in service on any given day.  Let the complaining commence!

“Taxis are too expensive” – I’ve heard this one on more than one occasion and it baffles me everytime.  For fucks sake, if you can’t afford 1900 won for a taxi ride, what the hell are you doing out so late? 

“I can’t get a taxi between 12 and 2am” -  Ya think?  God bless the free market system.  The last time I checked driving a taxi is a business for most drivers and only taking the best fares when everyone and their drunk friend is clamoring for a ride just makes good business sense.

“Taxi drivers are rude” -  Could someone please show me a group of taxi drivers in a major city that are NOT rude?  By all accounts Seoul is the third largest city in the WORLD.  Do you really expect them to be cordial?  If you do, perhaps you need to move back to Kansas.

Taxi drivers always try to rip me off -  A fool and his money are lucky enough to get together in the first place.  If you’re silly enough to get into a taxi and NOT know where/how you’re getting to your next destination do you really expect taxi drivers to do you a favor and take you the shortest possible route just because you’re a foreigner?    Not only that, I can’t think of too many other places in the world where a taxi driver will take you exactly where you need to go in the shortest amount of time possible when you are clearly a foreigner and you cleary have no fucking clue how to get there.  One last thought:  Taxi drivers are equal oppurtunity assholes, they try to rip off the natives too, it just happens less cuz Koreans can..well you know..speak Korean.

Note:  If you’re an adoptee you can always play the “I’m an adoptee” card which usually garners sympathy(in the form of “I’m so sorry”) and a better chance at not getting fucked over.  If kyopos play the “I’m an adoptee” card they will be immediately struck by lightning and be banished to the 7th ring of Hell, also known as Indiana”

#2 Koreans’ lack of English

It might have been an English teacher from Ohio that I overheard complaining ”what’s up with these damn Koreans, none of them can speak English.”  I find it incredible that foreigners could complain or be surprised that many Koreans do not speak English.  I mean really..what are the chances?  Seriously, people in America can’t even speak English!  Yet, they are surprised that a bunch of people who lived their entire lives outside of an English speaking country can’t speak English.  And before any Canadians get start waving their silly backpacks with Canadian flags, just remember this:  you guys get to mangle TWO languages, know what I’m talking aboot…eh? Marde…I mean..tabarnac!

A good chunk of foreigners somehow manage to eke out a living doing something the average person never dared dream as a youngster:  teaching English.  The last time I checked, a lack of English was a good thing if you’re in the business of let’s say….teaching English! 

In addition to being great for extending your careerexistence as an English teacher, Koreans’ lack of English provides yet another bonus:  the opportunity to learn a new language!  That’s right, learn Korean!  It’s shocking to see the number of foreigners that have lived here for a year and still can’t count/read/order food/etc.  Oddly enough, not all of them are American!  Some of these monolingual mammoths call themselves…Canadians, Kiwis, Aussies and even Brits.  If you’re in Korea and you happen to meet one of them, they’ll most likely be heading towards Itaewon, the mecca for non-Korean speaking foreigners in Korea.

One bonus of learning Korean is that most Koreans will fall all over themselves if you manage to say “hello” or “thank you” in Korean.  They will be overly impressed by your complete mastery of their insanely difficult language.  If you’re a foreign man, and she’s a Korean woman, you probably can score some digits.  Note:  Adoptees and Kyopos are not considered real foreigners when it comes to speaking Korean, therefore regardless of how good their Korean is, it will never EVER  be good enough. 

#1 Stairs

Korea is 70% mountains.  Maybe foreigners aren’t aware of this, or they’re simply too fucking lazy, fat, or whothefuckknows, but they love whining about what they perceive as an excessive amount of stairs.  Perhaps, foreigners are from countries/areas that are flat..like Iowa and they’re not used to the idea of stairs.   

Instead of complaining about stairs, they should rejoice at the opportunity to get some much needed exercise.